September 06, 2004 - 13:33
I was reading Jue's and Dilla's entries when suddenly my heart felt for them.Really really know the feeling that they are going through as I was also in the same situation as theirs 3 years ago.
During the first year of Amalin's life, I only got to spend with her for just five months!I was not planning for that to happen at all. When I was pregnant with her, hubby got an offer for his masters in London. The thought of leaving me and for not being able to be beside me when I gave birth made hubby postpone his uni's registration twice. Alhamdulillah...boleh pulak the uni nak postpone the enrolment. At least if he could be my side pun dah cukup for me. But after my maternity leave my application for masters study was also approved but not for overseas. So, we made a rayuan and asked if I could also join hubby in the UK. Masa tu...very the kelam kabut bcoz it was already end of July and I needed to get a placement asap if I were to join hubby since normally the enrolment for most unis here is in September.Luckily at that time all sorts of education fair were in town. Maka turun and naik all the education fair dgn hubby and Amalin to search for the right uni for my course. Yg susah sgt was bcoz my course is limited if I were to search any unis only in London. Most of the unis that offer my course are out side London.Sampai la tercampak di uni where I am at now ni.
So the time has finally come for me to depart with Amalin. She was just 5 months old at that time. Hubby already flew to London 1 week earlier since he already booked the flight before I finally got the result that I was also able to join him. So...the 1 week without hubby was really hectic. I needed to do everything on my own. Kena emptied the hse...moved all the junks to my sis' hse. Settle the last minutes arrangement before flying.All the documents, money,etc. Imagine...I only got the money and the flight ticket just a few hrs before I flew.Itu dah every day pi push tu. Nasib baik la sempat.But, that's the reality!
When the time really came, I didn't know how my feeling was at that time. I was so busy before that I hadn't thought a bit what it was gonna be like for me to leave her.Not until when it was time for me to go. As long as I was away from my family, never did I cry whenever I had to leave them.So, I thought it would also be the same when I had to leave Amalin. I thought I was strong to hide my feeling.Little did I know that the mother-child feeling is beyond other feelings. As I was about to kiss her *she was sleeping peacefully at that time* in her pram...my tears suddenly rushed off like hujan...selebat banjir kilat di KL. I didn't know where that came from.It just happened.At that time dah malu dah ngan everybody yg sent me off on that day. Managed to berlawak jenaka n laughed with my family and friends with tears still rolling down my cheek *err...actually was trying to cover up...hehe*.Nasib baik mmg dah final announcement and kena cepat2 masuk gate dah.Maka...that was the last time I saw her before I went back to Malaysia again to get her here.Mmg sedikit terkilan bcoz she was asleep at that time.Couldn't store the last smile of hers in my head just before I left.In the flight, I ended up looking and looking and looking all the pics from the one album I brought along in my handbag that full of Amalin's pics. Over and over and over again. It seemed that I couldn't get enough of seeing her cute little face.But, most importantly, the same questions kept coming to my head.Was it the right choice that I made?Was she able to recognize me the next time I see her?Would she still want to be with me after this one year?
